Brittany, You do too many dang surveys..

I must apologize. Ever since I started this site, I have been neglecting my MySpace. Concequently, as time went on, I also began to neglect this site. I’m trying to change that. With the new year, I vow to attempt to keep up such quality content as Your Matt’s Guide to Cats and the ever so popular Brass Monkey Review. I still check my MySpace from time to time. One thing that I always look for is the bulletins. In the bulletins, I am almost always assured to see a brand spanking new survey from our own Brittany Nielsen.

Brittany is Canadian. You may have already known this from my Happy Canada Day posting. She also cuts my hair. But what else is there to know about Brittany? It’s all right there in her surveys. I can tell you that she had a cigarette about 30 minutes ago. She hasn’t had a bubble bath in over a year, and she was sleeping at midnight last night, only to wake up WAY late this morning. All that jamming out to Queen can make a girl tired, I’m sure.

The most disturbing thing about her submissions would have to be her utter reliance upon them. See, Brittany is admittedly addicted to surveys. Her latest was even titled, “i’m addicted to surveys”. I know all about addiction. Some of you may remember last year’s submission of my August Goals where I layed off the crack cocaine for a month. That was hard. It was real hard, but I kicked the habit.

Now I’m going through withdrawals for something much harsher than the sweet taste of the glass dick. I have been battling the crutches of a bad habit of chewing my nails for some 10 years at least. I’ve tried it all. I put garlic on them. I tried to stop biting them. Umm.. that’s everything there is to try, right? Now I’m back to trying to stop biting them again. Congratulations to me. I’ve gone about three weeks without so much as one slip of the nail between my teeth. It’s showing too. Just about 2 minutes ago, a home security salesman showed up at my door and greeted me with, “Finally, one normal person in this neighborhood.” I couldn’t help but think he noticed the normality of my nails. My life is finally back on track.

So this elation of a clean lifestyle is exactly what I want for Brittany. Help me to help her break this addiction to surveys. She will be able to sleep well knowing that she hasn’t made stalkers lazy. I’ve already signed her up for Celebrity Rehab. No one knows those people anyway, so I think she can get in. If that doesn’t work, Intervention is still on the air. We could make this an extra-special episode.