Boy Are My Arms Tired

I just flew in from Hawaii and boy are my arms tired. I was gone for some 10 days. While the trip was fun and adventurous, nothing beats the comforts of home, such as sleeping in a bed, showering daily, and the simple pleasure of drinking a glass of milk.

I may write up more about the trip later. For now, here’s a bit of how it went..

Flew into Kauai. Boy arms tired. Waited for Sam’s lost pack. Walked to town. Took Taxi to beach. Got drunk with locals. Found beach of broken glass and engine blocks and stuff. Sam robbed a Japanese person’s grave. Got shitty rental truck. Drove to Jurassic Park gates. Hiked in mud to sleep in old irrigation cave. Picked up hippie on way to North shore. Picked up whole family on way off mountain. Drove rental onto beach and got it stuck. Ate a $30 pork chop. Hiked in a swamp. Lost and found glasses several times. Heard a pig rustling the bushes. Woke up to effing chickens everywhere.

The one thing to remember about Kauai, is that there are effing chickens everywhere.

Ate good food. Ate bad food. Ate lots of dried hiking food. Wanted to eat effing chickens. Drank warm vodka, warm rum, warm wine, warm beer and lots of warm water.

Swam in rivers. Swam in ocean. Swam through waves, under waterfalls and past turtles. Never once saw a fish.

I got a nice 12 hour flu. My feet got all jacked up. Still have a piece of the island embedded in my heel. Tanned up an even better farmer’s tan. Hair started dredding up. Beard got way too bushy, but still had the bald spots.

In the last half of the trip, I took in an ant farm in my pack. I took a 4 hour bath. Heard lots of Hawaiian kids talking like a rasta. Everyone smokes a lot of pot. Saw one cop. Park ranger said he, himself, was currently the only park ranger on the island. Felt like not in America at all. Locals like to drive lifted Toyota trucks and all have stickers in their back windows.

Flew into Colorado. Boy arms tired. Waited again for Sam’s lost pack. That’s the trip.