Interviews Today

We’re hiring a project manager over here at AmazingMail, and I got some interviews. Well, some perform interviews; I perform interrogations.

The first came in at 10:20, when scheduled for 10:30. I made her wait 10 minutes, then I politely asked her to leave. If you’re scheduled for 10:30, be there at 10:30.

The second lady had some 20 years of IT experience. She’s worked for mostly high-volume financial sector companies, such as Bank of America and Chase. She’s also run a consulting company and was CFO at another. The problem was that she had a 4-page resume. Four pages!?! Come on. The rule is to keep it on one page. You can sometimes go to 2 pages. I consider that acceptable. Fuck 4 pages. Also, she had a couple typos in there, which is inexcusable. I went ahead with the interview. I just let her talk the whole time, until the very end. I told her that her experience was impressive. She had a warm personality and would fit well with our group. I then told her that she really needs to shorten up that resume, because that’s why she isn’t getting the job.

Then it was time for lunch. I found something in the fridge and I ate it. It tasted like crap. Brittany was mad at me for eating her lunch, but I didn’t care because it was time for another interview!

Christopher was next on this list. I introduced myself as Testy McTestersen. He thought I was joking, so I told him to get the fuck out of my office. After he left, I caught up with him to tell him that he just passed the first test. Bravo. I brought him up to the break room, and let him have his pick of lunches from the fridge.

Then I remembered this song and couldn’t resist a perfect scenario to use some dialog from it. I asked, “Let me ask you this, Christopher.. Does this look like a lollipop factory?” He said, “What? No, why?” I replied with, “Because you’re treating us like a bunch of suckas!” and I told him to get the fuck out of my office.

There was only one more candidate, so I didn’t even bother with the interview. I just said, “Welcome aboard. You’re hired.” I don’t know his name, though. Dumbshit didn’t even put his name on his resume.

Interviews are over. Today was a success.