Back From the Tip of America's Wang: The Florida Keys

Pictures are all up in here ->

When my Mom mentioned taking a boating vacation to the islands in the Florida Keys, I was more than willing to invite myself along. The whole concept was amazing. We would park the car, take the boat around and explore, camping on whatever beaches we could find. I would drink beers, wrestle crocodiles, catch sailfish with my bare hands and eat them raw. Bear Grylls would be jealous.

Things didn’t turn out quite like that though. The boat was certainly cursed on this trip. My Uncle Chuck brought his boat down from Illinois. A myriad of issues left us stranded miles out into the Atlantic Ocean for I don’t know how long. After dark, we finally had it running well enough to get almost back to shore where it quit for good and we (Uncle Chuck) oared it back to the docks.

So we didn’t go around on islands, but we did get some fishing in. I didn’t catch any sailfish with my bare hands, but I think it’s because they saw me coming and got the heck out of there.

We did a lot of camping in campgrounds that cost as much as hotel rooms. We did a lot of drinking beers and snorkeling. I got pinched by a crab, saw some water spout tornado-looking things, and slept on a picnic table. Me and my mom went on an obstacle course to a dilapidated old observation tower. My mom found a horseshoe crab as big as her head. I swam over barracuda that must have been 2 cubits long. I almost fell in the ocean while peeing into shark-infested waters. There was probably some other stuff I did as well, but that pretty much sums it up.

I brought back some sweet souvenirs, including 2nd degree sunburns, itchy bug bites and these pictures.